Thank you
Thanks to all of you who replied, your advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks to all of you who bit your upper lip and did not pick on me, I appreciate that too. (Or maybe you just haven’t read it yet.) I was going to wait another day but I think that I got enough feedback to make some modifications.
The number one comment was the wordiness about wanting a non-clingy more independent person. A funny thing about that is it wasn’t something I had thought of until I sat down to type, then for some reason it seemed very important to me. I got appreciation for being fairly to the point but also that it might be a little to business like. I would love to be more humorous because I think it is one of my strongest positives. However I think that to make it work I would have to be less clear on what I want or that it could become overly long. Clearly I don’t mind some length but I don’t want them to have to read a novel either. I want to say enough to interest someone and be clear enough to exclude those I don’t want without losing someone I want. Make sense?
The text has been rewritten with the help of my friend Eileen and is much better. (Thanks Eileen) We all know my writing sucks. I did add a joke at the front thinking it might be a nice way to convey my sense of humor as well as help me stand out from the crowd. (Thank Rex for the joke.) I also added the comments from friends but have a moderate feeling on including them. I’d be happy to get rid of ‘leeway’ but can not think of another word with the same meaning that works any better. Check out the new version and tell me what you think. (old version)
The vote was clearly not to include a link to the blog. (I agree) The ‘head shot’ winner hands down was number 6. The main winners for other pictures were 9 & 11, with 7 & 10 close behind. The complete losers were 3 & 5. I am curious what is wrong with 2, it is my favorite picture. It shows me doing something athletic, with friends and I think it is a nice picture. But I asked for advice so I am going to follow it. (pictures)
posted by Joel @ 10:33 PM
6 comments
6 Comments:
Joel,
I love the joke. It made me laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh.
annie
looks good! I should have had people critique mine!! oh well.
I finally got around to reading your blog again and it turns out I've missed a bunch - that'll teach me!
My only problem with the new version is over use of the word "enjoy". I would try to find another word to replace it with in some of the occurrences. As for "leeway" - maybe you should replace that sentence with something like "I'm not expecting a 100% match (though that would be great), but obviously the closer you are to my match preferences, the more likely we are to hit it off."
my 2 cents - for free I might add...
As for the joke - I laughed the first dozen times I heard it...
Man... I really liked 5! I agree that it doesn't make a good/honest head shot, but it's funny - I saw it and thought "That's Joel's personality! Willing to have fun with whatever".
Sorry, I've been out of the loop. I think the text sounds great. It is very difficult to put down in writing all that encompasses you, but that is the point to peak interest and go from there. The pictures were all good, you will be fine with any that you post.
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